This week in my books is dedicated to all those women that have been faced with relationship problems like domestic violence, STDs running in and out your house, stay home motherhood with no reasonable salary and sexting when you are in a bad mood. My heart goes out to you and I pray that when you finally find the courage to move on from that "ka" man, you find that prince charming from Tangled(im not saying he should be a thief)...still looking so fresh and so clean clean.
In this era of women emancipation like the boobs of Mother MIMI would agree, it is only fair that i try to empower as many women as i can even if it means using my quite unserious but serious blog. So today i am going to make sure we iron out our differences from the past by saying that women should become chauvinists too. In the Victorian era where my friend and most valuable whore of the time Emma Bovary lived, the levels of chauvinism and gender imbalance were up there indirectly pushing my girl Emma to all her transgressions.
i never really understood that point: "i can't cook because i'm a guy!"....What? did you get hit in the head or something??? Well I'll make that twice the beating. Anyway i just think that as much as i'd like to find my man looking all sharp sharp dressed up in Davidoff reading GQ, i wouldn't mind finding him making pasta....in fact it would be most appropriate that i find him cooking.....that way I know i wouldnt die of hunger if things went South.
So...first of all I'd like all the ladies to think the best of themselves and stop sucking up to those men. Yes even if you are an exec, there is still that lingering self doubt and that thing telling you...the man should be on top of the company. I suggest you unthink that thought because that man has plenty plenty plenty other places/things to get on top of...
Secondly, after you have him cooking and under your heavily manicured thumb, you will ask him to bring cHIVALRY back. I know by now its withered enough to form enough oil to run the OPEC for another hundred years but he is going to have to bring Chivalry back now. As you pour yourself some Chivas Regal.....yes you have to receive I AM NOT DEVIATING, i'm jus' sayin' you need to be pimpin' when Chivalry comes home.
Thirdly(that sounds strange......can i say fifthly??) anyway......The man as the HomeMaker is the TOPIC. Tell him to leave you them "streets"
Deds at this point: Like a boy-Mr. Ciara and Whatchathinkaboutthat-PCD and ELLIOT
So he will cook, clean, wash, take care of the offspring ie Joan, John, Jack, James, Jango, Janga, Jetmaster,Jerry, Jelly....ya its him who made all those J's happen so let him work work work...
Fourth point:Limit his budget. Bambi yayagala NIKE and PUMA....tell him to try Star Coffee shoes and Namukasa traders footwear(i hope those brands exist because he isnt going to wear PUMA and NIKE) He should look good only when he is in your esteemed presence but other than that, he can enjoy the Kampala Yake shoes.
Fifth point...not fifthly; Teach him how to cry. Everytime we read about the Victorian we see these men making poor women cry...so this is what you can do: Ask the DSTV people to deactivate the sports channesl, make sure he is home by 8pm...no I meant 6 50pm, tell him that on Saturday morning he should be up by 6am with a fat shopping basket on his head ready for the market and when he comes back ask him to make a sumptuous Brunch for you and your friends, excluding him.
Now dear ladies, don't go out into the world to give birth and steal men...RULE THE FRIGGIN PLANET!!
In this era of women emancipation like the boobs of Mother MIMI would agree, it is only fair that i try to empower as many women as i can even if it means using my quite unserious but serious blog. So today i am going to make sure we iron out our differences from the past by saying that women should become chauvinists too. In the Victorian era where my friend and most valuable whore of the time Emma Bovary lived, the levels of chauvinism and gender imbalance were up there indirectly pushing my girl Emma to all her transgressions.
i never really understood that point: "i can't cook because i'm a guy!"....What? did you get hit in the head or something??? Well I'll make that twice the beating. Anyway i just think that as much as i'd like to find my man looking all sharp sharp dressed up in Davidoff reading GQ, i wouldn't mind finding him making pasta....in fact it would be most appropriate that i find him cooking.....that way I know i wouldnt die of hunger if things went South.
So...first of all I'd like all the ladies to think the best of themselves and stop sucking up to those men. Yes even if you are an exec, there is still that lingering self doubt and that thing telling you...the man should be on top of the company. I suggest you unthink that thought because that man has plenty plenty plenty other places/things to get on top of...
Secondly, after you have him cooking and under your heavily manicured thumb, you will ask him to bring cHIVALRY back. I know by now its withered enough to form enough oil to run the OPEC for another hundred years but he is going to have to bring Chivalry back now. As you pour yourself some Chivas Regal.....yes you have to receive I AM NOT DEVIATING, i'm jus' sayin' you need to be pimpin' when Chivalry comes home.
Thirdly(that sounds strange......can i say fifthly??) anyway......The man as the HomeMaker is the TOPIC. Tell him to leave you them "streets"
Deds at this point: Like a boy-Mr. Ciara and Whatchathinkaboutthat-PCD and ELLIOT
So he will cook, clean, wash, take care of the offspring ie Joan, John, Jack, James, Jango, Janga, Jetmaster,Jerry, Jelly....ya its him who made all those J's happen so let him work work work...
Fourth point:Limit his budget. Bambi yayagala NIKE and PUMA....tell him to try Star Coffee shoes and Namukasa traders footwear(i hope those brands exist because he isnt going to wear PUMA and NIKE) He should look good only when he is in your esteemed presence but other than that, he can enjoy the Kampala Yake shoes.
Fifth point...not fifthly; Teach him how to cry. Everytime we read about the Victorian we see these men making poor women cry...so this is what you can do: Ask the DSTV people to deactivate the sports channesl, make sure he is home by 8pm...no I meant 6 50pm, tell him that on Saturday morning he should be up by 6am with a fat shopping basket on his head ready for the market and when he comes back ask him to make a sumptuous Brunch for you and your friends, excluding him.
Now dear ladies, don't go out into the world to give birth and steal men...RULE THE FRIGGIN PLANET!!
Ahahahah this is some funny ish... Alo.... i like the reference the "whore Emma"
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